How to Succeed at Being in Your Twenties Without Really Trying

Have kick ass friends. This is definitely the cornerstone of success in your twenties. You need to be surrounded by awesome people who tell you, in detail, how awesome you are. You need people to take you to awesome parties and introduce you to potential love interests. Kick ass friends bring you the joy that is laying on your couch and rehashing the night before, holding your hair when you puke at the club, and telling you its probably going to be okay when “lawyer dude” doesn’t call. 

Realize you are invincible. You always hear people complain that young people think they are invincible, use it to your advantage. You can get in anywhere for free. You can meet anyone. You can do anything you want to. There are consequences, sure, but if you’re smart you’ll realize people in general have bigger fish to fry. Fly under the radar and you are golden.

Ban the babies. Your high school friends will have weddings (fun) and babies (not fun). Enjoy the babies in the privacy of their homes and move on. You still have the rest of your life to worry about your kids. That girl at work who leaves at 4:59 each day to pick her kids up from daycare isn’t doing it because its helping her career or because its getting her laid or because its fun. If you have kids, be a good parent. If you don’t, exhale deeply and fill you brain with more important things.

Be a bitch. It’s time to get what you want. If you aren’t happy at work, make yourself happy. Ask for what you want. If you don’t get it, find someone who will give it to you. You aren’t a pushover anymore.

Drink a lot. This is the last time in your life its going to be socially acceptable for you to drink a lot. Enjoy it. Make a few bad decisions, but not a lot. Make sure you’ve done at least one crazy thing, so you feel accomplished enough to close that door behind you.

Learn the minimum amount of skills. Learn how to clean, and do it. Learn how to have a positive balance in your checking account. Figure out who you will call if you have an emotional breakdown. I’m not asking for complicated Excel spreadsheets, just do the minimum. This is enough to become an adult. For now.